The Strange Abduction of Brian Kinney
by gagethemage
Summary: Brian's newest trick is a little more than he expected


The Strange Abduction of Brian Kinney  
  
Brian awoke to a throbbing headache and at first glance saw that he was not in his own bed. For Brian Kinney, this was nothing unusual. He was used to waking up in beds that were not his own. He was also used to waking up in back rooms that were not his own, on park benches that were not his own, and in the trunks of cars that were not his own.  
  
But this was the first time he could ever remember waking up on a spaceship that was not his own.  
  
"Oh fuck." Brian said, trying to get his legs under him as he looked around the small metal room, with the stars flying by outside the window. "I'm going to kill Anita!" He remembered vaguely following a trick outside, and he was sure that if he'd only been on E, as promised, he would have thought the man's pale blue skin and huge eyes strange enough to make him reconsider.  
  
Nah, who was he kidding? He'd have fucked the guy anyway.  
  
So as he looked around the room, which contained nothing more than a cot attached to the wall, he tried to think of someone else to blame.  
  
Justin. He'd blame this on Justin. Justin had run off with the guy Brian had originally been cruising, and the little brat hadn't even offered to share.  
  
"I hope he gets crabs!" Brian muttered. "It'll serve him right when I don't come home. He'll cry and cry, and wait for me to come back, but will I? NO. Because I'll be on the Starship Lollipop being anal probed by ET and Marvin the Martian!"  
  
Brian paused for a moment. Oh well, it was bound to happen. He might as well get it over with. No sense running away from one's fate. He'd simply buck up and take it like a man.  
  
He tried the door to the room, and found that it was unlocked. It was probably be a trap but he was too horny to care. He tried to remember if the guy with the blue skin had been any good, but that part of the evening was a blank. He realized what the attraction had been now. Between the lights in his bedroom and the lighting at the baths a good number of the guys he fucked had blue skin.  
  
That would explain, he reasoned, his strange fascination with Jabberjaw.  
  
He walked down a metal corridor, surprised that in spite of the fact he was stark naked he didn't feel cold. They had some good climate control on this ship.  
  
The corridor ended and he found himself in a round room. Several blue men were sitting in big chairs typing on computers. One was asleep in a fetal position on the floor, and two others were playing a game that looked a lot like Chutes and Ladders. Brian peered closer. It was Chutes and Ladders.  
  
All of the blue men wore nothing but silvery stretch pants. Brian thought that this was a very good sign. Maybe they were taking him to a whole planet of queers!  
  
"I'd like to speak with the Captain." Brian called out politely.  
  
The blue men glanced up at him and went back to what they were doing.  
  
"I SAID I want to speak to the Captain!" Brian yelled. "I am an ambassador from Earth! I have rights!"  
  
"Oh you just want your dick sucked." One of the blue men replied testily. He had a Southern accent.  
  
"That too." Brian was forced to admit. "Wait a minute. How do you speak English?"  
  
"I don't. You were programmed when you were asleep to understand our language. You're not very smart, are you?"  
  
"Now listen here you little fuckwad! I've got a bad headache, I've been taken away from my home and my family, and I want some questions answered!"  
  
"And I want a beach house on Alpha Meta V. Wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one gets full first." The alien snapped.  
  
"Aren't you guys supposed to be enlightened or something?" Brian demanded.  
  
All of the aliens burst into hysterical laughing. At least, Brian assumed they were laughing. It sounded more like crowing.  
  
"Let me guess. You think we've taken you so you can teach us about your planet. Or because we want to give you the wisdom of the universe. Or because we want to get a look up your ass, right?"  
  
"Yeah." Brian agreed. "I was kind of hoping the last one might be it."  
  
He now recognized the man insulting him as the alien trick he had followed last night.  
  
"Look." The blue man said. "I had a little too much to drink. After a few Neibliems anyone will look good. You were cute and available. We came back here, we fucked. Honestly you're the worst fuck I've ever had, and believe me, I've been around the galaxy enough that I've had plenty. Do all the men on your planet have such tiny dicks?"  
  
"We heard that Earth was a great place to pick up guys. Just shows you can't believe rumors." Another alien sighed.  
  
Brian's face was turning red.  
  
"You didn't think it meant anything, did you?" The blue man continued.  
  
"I want to go home!" Brian hissed. He had never been as humiliated or insulted in his entire life.  
  
"Sorry, it's a little out of our way right now. We'll probably be swinging back around there in 20 years. We'll drop you off then."  
  
"20 years? I'll be 50!" Brian stamped his barefoot on the floor.  
  
"So?" The alien trick shrugged. "I was 345 on my last birthday. You don't see me making a big deal out of it."  
  
"Please." Brian begged, a lightbulb going off inside of his head. "I have a little boy. He needs his daddy. If you make me wait 20 years, he'll be all grown up by the time I see him again."  
  
"We know about Gus." One of the aliens commented. "We saw the picture in your wallet."  
  
Gus? He'd been talking about Justin. "Yes, my son Gus." Brian nodded. "He'll be raised completely by lesbians if you don't take me back."  
  
The alien trick glared at him. "Fine. I'll take you back home. But that's all I'm doing for you. You're on your own after that."  
  
"Fine, whatever." Brian snarled. He sat down on the floor, chewing his lip thoughtfully.  
  
The minute he got home, those blue neon lights were going out the window. 


End file.
